Two pair of frighten eyes was watching from the dark corner of the room, no way I could ignore the existing of the fragile souls behind those eyes that could break in pieces. The silence would make him take further steps in this stupid confrontation. He has done it before, so why not now. if only I could send them to a warm sunny beach away from this scene away from us with a simple wish thinking.
Hated myself for dreaming in such a moments, while I needed to be focused. Instead of finding a solution for the situation I was dreaming what was wrong with me? have I thought in that desperate moment that the devastating event could be freeze if I was dreaming? ...............
Still I can't answer to that question, but seven years have passed and I have these flash backs to those days. Every time he is back to see the girls they just pop up on my mind. I feel so little, his return is my reminder of what we have done to them, our kids.
I am sure my daughters feel the same anxiety as I, not as if we bring it in the open and talk about it. But it's there in all 3 of us, feelings like these makes us sisters instead of mother and daughters. Sisters that need to be on their guards.
It's us and him, just the thought sends shivers down my spine. It shouldn't be like this, he should be the other base they build their own lives on. Every time he comes, he acts as if someone has put him on a trial and he needs to feel innocent and as always in lack of understanding he desperately victimizes himself.
None of us even try anymore to reason with him. He will never accept that it is nobody's fault. Sometimes life turns in this way and people divorce from each other, families break and children grow up. There is no crime commited here, this is called divorce that's all.
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